Monday, February 28, 2011

Recipe for Disaster

Ingredients:
-Preschool Registration - make sure you are ignorant of the fact that arriving on time will mean being there for over 2 hours.  With both kids.  And other people's kids.
-Promise of homemade graham crackers.  Do not have any real bread-making experience beforehand, though the recipe comes from a bread cookbook.
-Plan to make a meal only your husband has made before.  Do not check the recipe beforehand, lest you realize you're going to be cooking the whole time you're working on those graham crackers.
-time-sensitive tasks that cannot be done while holding a baby or corralling a toddler
-sleep deprivation
-coffee
-a coughing 5-month-old
-a stubborn 3-year-old who never. forgets. anything.

Mix well.  And be sure, at some point (preferably while the baby is screaming and you're on the phone dealing with one of your time-sensitive tasks) to accidentally elbow your firstborn in the head as you throw up your arms in frustration.

Now would be a good time to set the chaos and children mixture aside and crawl in a hole. 

After a few deep breaths and unclenching your jaw, return to work on those screaming human beings you swore you loved this morning.  You want your mixture to be loud, frustrating, and still demanding of random other shit.  Like apple slices.  Even though you're already simultaneously working on those graham crackers and some complicated back beans and rice recipe that isn't cooking as quickly as it should.  Crunchy beans.  Who cares at this point?  Still nutritious!

When your husband walks in the door and you're wearing the baby while stirring a pot of you-forget-what and the child is shrieking and there's flour all over the floor and still some graham crackers left to bake and the first batch is burnt in the oven, extricate yourself from the kitchen.  ASAP.  Just go.  Tell him vaguely where you're at with both recipes and go.

Deeeeeeeep breaths.

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