Friday, February 3, 2012

About Dad

Today's NaBloPoMo prompt is "tell us about your father." 

I don't know how to tie this directly to the usual topics of my blog.  I suppose it ties in to my parenting style, and it might answer some questions that other posts have raised?  I'm sure after all the posts about my mom, and some of you noting that I did not go live with my father after Mom died, many have assumed that he was completely out of the picture.  Not so!

In any case, it may be off-topic....but I'll do it anyway (by the way, my dad reads my blog occasionally...yes, that might temper what I have to say at least a bit!).

My parents divorced when I was quite young (I think I was almost two?).  Dad has always been a dreamer.  He has a huge heart and really wants to make the world - and all the people he comes into contact with - better with his actions and existence.  He has big ideas, great goals.  And he takes it really hard when they don't pan out. 

When Mom died, I don't recall there ever being discussion of us living with him.  Dad had a hard time (but made a really conscious effort) setting aside work when we visited for a couple weeks out of the year.  We were two teenage girls who had just gone through an incredibly traumatic experience.  I don't think Dad would have been prepared to take on two teenagers at the time.  Maybe if there had been some warning?  But I think it was the best decision he could have made to sign off guardianship to someone else.  I think it was a responsible and loving choice - even though it leads to so many assumptions about him that aren't true.

Through high school I spent a little more time talking to him, and I spent more time with him - partly because I was geographically closer once I moved to New York State.

When I went to boarding school, I was only an hour or two away, so I saw him much more frequently and he was able to attend my various performances - for the first time in my life!  We became fairly close.

That continued somewhat into early college, when I would drive to his house for spring and fall breaks.  There were a couple of big bumps in the road for our relationship, and after college I moved further away and couldn't make a drive to see him.  Now with a husband and two kids, travel doesn't happen like it used to.  I can't pack up the car and take a road trip when I have a long weekend (plus he is much further away).
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