Friday, March 9, 2012

I can (and do) have it all.

A perfect balance.  But it's temporary.
It's true, and when I look at my life I wonder how I got so lucky.  I have it all. 

But not all at the same time.

Something is always out of balance.  It is cyclical and, as I draw one thing back into the balance, it inevitably pushes another over the edge.  For me, this concept of balance must. go.  If there is a balance to be had, it's teetering on a tightrope with no safety net and just waiting to fall apart.   So instead, I have been trying to replace it with acceptance of this cycle.

When something is out of whack - the house is a mess, I'm in-my-head obsessive (my current out-of-balance element), my kids are bouncing off the walls, I can't remember the last time I snuggled my husband, I can't remember the last time I took a shower, etc. - I have to stop, identify the problem, remind myself of all the things that are in balance, and then decide which of those is about to go and what needs to come back into the balance.

For example, after a week of snuggling a sick toddler day and night,  I usually feel my "mothering" job is going well, but the house is a wreck and my self-care is non-existent.  It doesn't help that I am then often sick!

Right now, the freezer is filled to the gills with food, I've been keeping us stocked up with granola bars and fruit bars, I'm enjoying the kids, the house is relatively clean and tidy (even the kitchen, despite all the baking and cooking!), I'm exercising regularly and getting a decent amount of time to myself, and I've been going to bed early to make up for frequent wakings by A-Train (whose full recovery from a stomach bug has been lengthy, and I think he is now teething painfully)

....but I haven't had a date or uninterrupted conversation with my husband in over a month, and I haven't gone and done anything fun with friends (and no kids) since...well....I don't remember...Christmastime? 

Oh, and of course I'm not writing on the blog as often as I was last month.  NaBloPoMo was great for satisfying my writing bug...not so great for doing anything else during naptime!

And so the cycle goes.  The Beast and I will have a date on Saturday, I'm making plans to get together for playdates with friends next week and hoping to make plans for dinner or coffee or something else sans children.  I'm also lining up some Skype-while-folding-laundry dates with friends who live out of town.

Probably the house will deteriorate into cluttered oblivion, we'll eat all the food in the freezer (hey, that's what it's there for!), and I'll end up sleep-deprived again.  And the cycle continues...and soon I will add another job - one outside of the home and paying in money - to the mix!


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