Monday, November 5, 2012

Two steps forward...one step back

Bean and me, just under a year ago.  I will get there again sometime...I hope.

I know I'm still very early in recovery from FAI surgery.  I know.  I KNOW. (this is code for please let me have my pity party)

But I'm going bonkers.  I'm going bonkers sitting and not exercising.  I'm going bonkers with how tired I always am (I'm sleeping 3-5 hours more than normal every day!).  And both of those things are leading to the worst thing:  I have almost zero routine.

I mean, I do have a routine in that I have our lives set up so the kids are cared for.  I don't feel like I'm being (or have ever been) lazy.  I don't feel like I should necessarily be doing something I'm not.

But OMG I AM NOT USED TO SITTING AROUND AND IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN SIT AROUND AND READ OR WATCH MOVIES BECAUSE I HAVE TWO LITTLE KIDS SWIRLING AROUND ME ALL THE TIME.  AND I LOVE THEM VERY MUCH AND THEY'RE SO MUCH FUN BUT CAN WE PLEASE STOP JUMPING ON THE COUCH WHERE MOM IS SITTING?!?!

I even finally went out for my usual "me time" yesterday - the first time I've taken that time since before surgery - and I was so tired that I cut it very short and came home and slept until 6PM!

I'm celebrating the little things (I cooked most of dinner today!  woot!).  I'm enjoying the kids a lot.  But three weeks of video games and Facebook and election coverage is rotting my brain!!!  And the kids are refusing to go outside (and I can't make them. I mean...I have to have back up to make it happen!).  I can't even get down the craft supplies without help.  

I have help during the week to get the kids out of the house, and that help (a friend and fellow mom) is awesome.  The whole thing is just getting old.  We're talking 3 weeks of not being alone with my kids.  I got on a futhermucking step stool for the first time in three weeks today.  I haven't even been able to go on a walk with my kids and enjoy the fall air!

And the past two days I have had increased pain.  I don't know why.  I have been off crutches since last Thursday.  I haven't walked more or been up more or anything Sunday and Monday.  I thought yesterday's might be because I sat with my hip and knee at 90° angles.  It was so bad that I took half a Percocet so  I could sleep last night.  But I've been cautious about how I've been sitting today.  Still the pain is back.   I suspect I will be on Percocet again tonight.  BLARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

I don't have anything particularly witty to say.  I'm not feeling funny.  I'm feeling crowded and sluggish and mentally foggy and soooooooo frustrated.

Nucking futs.  I'm going futhermucking nucking futs.

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